LStream Summary Wks 3 & 4
Absence. That’s been my theme and my motif for the last 2 weeks. I have been largely absent from my LifeStream. The usual bag of mixed reasons applies: a bout of flu, shaken up by a car accident (not serious), heavy workload due to assessments, dodgy internet service, a wonky laptop requiring reimaging, more dodgy internet connections. Put them all together and days become a week and LifeWorld has reclaimed my soul from Digital World. The question is: did anyone notice? Does Digital World miss you? Does its heart of code grow fonder as the absence grows longer? The answer is no.
When was the last time your log in said, "I've missed you!"
My first reaction was guilt. Feelings of niggling, unshuttupable guilt. The word “should” figured prominently in my thinking as I drove home or sat in on presentations or caught the last 15 minutes of “Come Dine With Me” (as an ex-pat, such images of the Mother Ship are fascinating – a nation obsessed still with bedside cabinet secrets, overcooked meat and creme caramel…) I should be doing things online.
Then, with my eyes red-rimmed with air-conditioning delivered flu germs, I lay down and thought, “Why?” Just as I’ve noticed that many colleagues try to be much nicer on FB than they are in the coffee shop on campus, was I trying to be something I wasn’t in my Life Stream? My internet usage focusses on gleaning articles of the right size, composition and topic to use in my classes. Of making word puzzles and games using SCORM packages to be delivered in Blackboard Vista. Or using SafeAssign to ferret out the plagiarists. Do these things belong in my LifeStream? If so, how to get them there?
But what also of all the things I can’t show? I live in a country with very strict censorship laws. While preparing my visual artefact, I wanted to use images by the artists Pierre et Gilles. One of the images is banned here. Not just on a macro level but also at a micro one, too ie individual pages in Flickr etc have been found and added to the banned list. My employers check the internet for negative postings by both present and former employees. So, how much risk do I take? How much do I reveal? Am I absent because I was sick? Had a bit of whiplash? Got too tired? Or is it because the digital world opens up a world of possibilities but, as Hand pointed out, a world that is possibly more policed, more censored, more controlled than I can imagine?
Nothing is bio-degradable online. Nothing is ever truly deleted. Nothing is ever wiped clean. Much has been made of the use of Social Media in the recent “Arab Spring” or the English riots. Where’s the follow-up? How many of the bloggers have been tracked down and subsequently arrested? The digital world has much to offer but, as is often said of public opinion, while it’s voice is loud, it’s memory is short. We invest time, effort, money, emotion in our digital selves. The question I still can’t answer is why?
It can change your life.
Who is interested? Does it matter if no-one ever sees your blog or your online creations? Is it enough to know that you have created and it’s “out there”? If I hide behind false ids to make my postings, am I being deceitful? How much editing do I do when I’m deciding on what goes in to the LifeStream and what stays out? Is my recent absence because I felt exposed? Yes, a bit. So much of what we do online is done in a bubble – we sit alone watching our words and images take on a new life on screen but, I suspect, do not necessarily compute the full impact of such words online to an audience that is potentially greater than fellow course participants, tutors and friends we’ve sent the links to! This week, as I battled with a failing, creaking, groaning internet connection that is afflicting the Gulf at present, I found myself wondering about who might make what out of this type of digital presence. Maybe too much thinking about the uncanny. But it did make me take a moment (or several hundred moments) to ask; who’s out there and what are they doing with me?
"I can smell you!"
23 Responses to 'LStream Summary Wks 3 & 4'
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on October 19th, 2011 at 11:57 am
I think this is one of the mysteries of the lifestream, actually – although you felt absent, the lifestream shows your presence (ghostly compared with your more active times, but still…) – I find that quite fascinating! It’s great to see you reflecting on questions of absence and presence in this way – I really enjoyed this post.
on October 19th, 2011 at 1:15 pm
Hi Neil, I enjoyed your post too and I did notice you were less active but I put it down to workload. It’s a difficult balancing act, work and study. I’ve been given schools that are 180km away which means I spend almost 5hrs driving a day. No Internet access at the schools so I have to continue work when I get home. It sucks!
Sorry to hear about the accident. Just another thing to contend with out here, the crazy driving. I’ve had four (none my fault) and thousands of near misses! Hope you’re feeling much better.
Censorship, employer checks and Internet access make the course not impossible but certainly very challenging. On the days I get frustrated with the way things work I envy the freedom our colleagues appear to have.